The Cholmondeley-Smythe Year

In which the crew of the USS Psycho deal with the loss of Captain Olding, cope with the arrival of Captain Cholmondely-Smythe and manage to get themselves involved with yet another plot to overthow the Federation.

1. Jolly Good Show Old Bean – Part 1

The Psycho receives a new Captain, a murderer gets on board and more worryingly the Klingons confuse Damerell for a warrior.

‘…Hill again downed the next drink to arrive, which happened to be Cholmondely-Smythe’s, and demanded the bottle be brought to the table…’

2. Jolly Good Show Old Bean – Part 2

Do Damerell’s gerbils hold the key to the mystery?

‘…”Warning, core breach in one minute.” Barfoot gave Damerell a disgusted look. “Honestly, it never rains but it pours with you, does it?”…’

3. Yesterday’s Extreme

A rift in time brings an Old friend back to the Psycho.

‘…Stark, who someone had finally remembered was stuck on the isolated bridge of the Extreme, was spending most of his time glaring angrily at Commander Hill…’

4. Countenance of the Foe

When Counsellor Hill wakes up in a strange room, she is quick to realise this is not going to be a good day.

‘…”Oh Great Kahless!” Klumpf bellowed and sprinted down the corridor, clutching at the seat of his trousers…’

5. The Naked When?

A virus sweeps through the ship, causing untold chaos – even for the Psycho.

‘…”I won’t go bald! I won’t! You can’t make me!!! I’ll die before I let that happen, and I’ll take all of you bastards with me!!!!”…'

6. The Bilges

Two junior officers are up for the same promotion, and they and their friends try to work out what is going on with the senior crew.

‘…”Alright everyone, how’s it going, alright?” he said cheerfully. “Anyone up for a rousing game of nomination whist?”…’

7. Macrame

Q gives Cholmondely-Smythe the opportunity to change his life.

‘…”Indeed. Now, it may have been an honest mistake, but someone from Administrative Affairs will have to interview you, make sure you’re not a mass-murdering psychopath. Have a nice day!”…’

8. Subjective Character of Experience

Barfoot and Bleep are kidnapped by the Orions on their way to a conference.

‘…”You were kidnapped and probably brainwashed. They used your command codes to override Bleep’s programming. How does that make you feel?” The deputy engineer thought about it for a few moments. “Hungry,” he decided eventually…’

9. We’ll Always Have Beta Argula IX

Cholmondely-Smythe’s history with the Orions is revealed.

‘…Cholmondely-Smythe glared at him. “I understand that the delaying of our holibobs is frustrating,” he said, “but we have a duty to the citizens of the Federation! We all agreed to that when we joined Starfleet. Even you, Mister Wall.”…’

10. Vindication – Part 1

The Psycho becomes embroiled in a plot to cause chaos in the Klingon Empire.

‘…Klumpf gripped Wall’s forearm painfully and then, unthinking, headbutted Damerell in a traditional Klingon warrior’s farewell. The navigator dropped like a stone. Klumpf looked down, chagrined. “I sometimes forget he is not a Klingon,” he said…’

11. Vindication – Part 2

Stella’s Plans come to fruition.

‘…On the screen, the Orion woman smiled dangerously. “Very astute, Doctor,” she purred. “My name is Stella and Christopher Olding was in fact my father.”…’

12. Bête Noire

The thrilling conclusion to the Cholmondely-Smythe Year! The Orions want peace. Or do they?

‘…Cholmondely-Smythe stared at the spot where Shinbone had been standing. “What an absolute tit.”…’