Sponners,

You big old pointy eared stud! ‘Working closely’, eh? Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more! You definitely don’t believe in the old seven years malarkey, do you?

On to the tecchy stuff: Gave your idea a shot, and we had, uh, mixed results. I got the lateral waveform down, although that was a bit fiddly and we electrocuted a couple of crewmen doing it. The spike was a piece of cake, although keeping it regular for very long is a bit of a trick. You’ll find the kit becomes unstable if you keep the spike peaking at 37 milliseconds. It keeps trying to default to 37.89 milliseconds, and for some reason the computer keeps setting off core implosion alerts after a minute or two of that. Beyond turning the alarms off and hoping for the best, we haven’t solved that niggling issue yet.

The interesting bit came when we plugged it all in. I’ll admit we had a few problems, like the captain demanding we fire it up now even without the OSBN, and the lack of a DG-9, but even so I wasn’t expecting what happened. I used an old bit of DG-5 I had lying about (a bit frayed but still working), plugged it all up, and let her rip. We’re now all walking around on the ceiling.

I’ve checked out the percolator, and it appears to be a really old model, the CaffMatic XP-38-D with the self-cleaning filters, duranium drip tray and 4.2 cubic litre capacity. Apparently it’s a valuable antique which the boss wants to restore to its former glory. What’s your plan, big man?

Cheers,
‘Stone Cold’ Pete Barfoot